you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I will be naked everywhere
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize