how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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