Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
