I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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