but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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