went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
