Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
