I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
