it was like eating out sand paper
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can I color on your dick again?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
