Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
