Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
