i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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