What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't put those talents on a resume
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
