Pappa wants mamma naked
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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