i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
