**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
