I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
