How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
