Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
