All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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