if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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