does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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