I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
not ubering you a puppy
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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