come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
