U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
don't judge my taste in strippers
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
