college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
