Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Randomize