final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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