I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
