wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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