ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize