And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
