I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
