You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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