maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
