it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
