the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize