Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
