I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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