he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
