what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
