there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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