dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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