We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
