4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
