Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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