5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
