What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
