My hand turned me down
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize