I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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