drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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