Where did you get a picture of my penis
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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