Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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