pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
