We're like a lot better than the average bears
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
