I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
