I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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