I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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