saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
