I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
