Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
